If You Really Knew Me

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Life sometimes takes turns that we do not expect; surprising us, challenging us, and changing us.  We plan and hope and dream, all very valuable in helping us navigate successfully through life, but often, instead of just goal setting and dream weaving, we latch onto an unhealthy control in an effort “to make everything ok.”

I’m not sure what everything means, and I still haven’t figured out what ok is.  Maybe ok is perfect, but if I know, fundamentally, that perfect doesn’t exist, why do I try so hard to achieve vapor?

When will I inherently be ”enough?”

As alone as I may feel in my quiet quest to figure out who I am and where I stand, these questions haunt others, and they are at the core of every persons’ existence.

As humans, we search, and yearn, and spend countless hours concocting ways for people to acknowledge us, love us, and accept us, and frankly, it’s exhausting.  Our hearts our broken, our confidence dismantled, and our spirits crushed, just to start the process the next day, when we interact with another, and say in our soul, “Please just love me for me.”

Attractive and successful, Rob Lowe, with millions of adoring fans, makes a statement in his autobiography, saying, “If you really knew me, you wouldn’t like me nearly as much.”

In an effort to avoid rejection, we take on a job description of self-creator; forming, shaping, and molding ourselves into what “fits.”  This is a duty that was never, and will never be our responsibility.

Last night, during a moment of quietness at work, I read the following words, contemplating the gentle reprimand being communicated towards me.

What I read was this:

“Arise and go down to the potter’s house and there I will cause you to hear My words.” Then I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was, making something at the wheel.  And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make. Then the word of the Lord came to me saying: “O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter?” says the Lord. “Look, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so you are in My hand….” Jeremiah 18:2-6

I often argue and become angry with God, because he took me here, or there, or I had to experience this, or that in my life.  But, I thought I was a “better person” before?  I thought I had my life together.  Now?  Well, I feel like chaos on the inside, with the facade of charisma on the outside, and a whole lot of confusion in-between.

Maybe you understand.

With this verse, He so simply, and beautifully communicated that I am not the creator of my life, and what I thought was a good piece of clay, was just marred, but that He will not leave me as that!

A lot of my stress in my life comes from trying to take over the job of the potter, making me into my own creation. But I don’t own that business!  That’s His realm of experience.  He is creating me. He is creating you, out of the marred material, into something else. Something better.  Something new.  The process is done with love, care, and thoughtfulness.

He chooses to create us again.  Into what He sees to be good.

I want instant gratification.  I want the fix now.  Well, timeframes are irrelevant.  Divine Creativity does not fit into human limitations.

And the most beautiful part?  He is willing to sit with my marred piece clay, for however long it takes, and says, each day, each moment, “I really, REALLY know you.  And I love every part of you.”

Can I Outsource My Life?

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Oh little tortilla blog, how you have been neglected!  I have been too preoccupied and entertained with my new project, The Flight Attendant Life.  Also, with my recent trips to Barcelona and Hawaii, that has left little time to even think about tortillas (and I feel guilty about that).

I’ve realized that what I thought would be a little project of transferring my website to another host and figuring out SEO stuff so Google can find me, is too technical and completely over my head for me.

I was getting so frustrated that my fun and creative project was turning into this dreaded task.  This was supposed to be a hobby, not a chore!  I wasn’t going to deal with this mess, so I found a solution, or what I hope is a solution.  Jury is still out.

Enter the beautiful world of outsourcing and my new exploration into finding other people to do stuff for me.

I recently read a book titled My Life As An Experiment by AJ Jacobs.  Jacobs spends every month engaged in radical lifestyle experiments, from always telling the truth (i.e. You are fat), pretending to be a beautiful women, to outsourcing his entire life.  He outsources disagreements with his wife, interactions with co-workers and editors, and basically anything that he can.  Obviously, he’s going for the humor of it all, but outsourcing is a convenient and efficient way to accomplish tasks, especially in our digital world.  It doesn’t matter so much if the person you are working with is sitting next to you or in Mumbai.  These days more “conversations” happen through text messages than in a verbal manner anyway.

Many individuals as well as large and small companies outsource.  It makes sense.  Why pay $50 an hour for someone to complete a project when you could pay $8?  And, these freelancers work for themselves or other companies so you are not paying for that individual’s health insurance.

I looked at various outsourcing websites, registered with a few, and settled on working with a company/individual I found through Guru.com.  So far, so good.  I’ve submitted my project, received a quote, accepted the project terms, sent over information, and paid the amount agreed upon through the SafePay system Guru uses.

Now, I’m feeling like I’m living my life as an experiment…huh.

You think we could find someone in India to make tortillas for us?  I’m sick of the factory delays.

Other outsourcing websites:

Elance.com
Freelancer.com
ODesk.com